


Takao's brilliant, and perfectly executed, plan to get Kise and Aomine together

by MiaMoonWolf



Series: Shorts: Concerning the Goings on of Certain Pesky Persons and Their Pesky Love Lives [3]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Crack, Drabble, M/M, Plans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-12 22:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7950982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiaMoonWolf/pseuds/MiaMoonWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takao plots. Midorima assists. Kise and Aomine get served. Or do they?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Takao's brilliant, and perfectly executed, plan to get Kise and Aomine together

**Author's Note:**

> For the purposes of this fic the GoM + Kagami + Takao all attend the same unnamed HS together.

Takao could tell that Kise was in love. Beautiful, unadulterated, birds-singing-constantly love. No use denying it. But well it was completely unrequited. He knows this because when he asked the most beautiful man in the world (Midorima) he had told him that Kise had missed his chance.

Takao had yelled “surely not.” But Midorima just stared at him.

“He missed his chance twice.” Ugh. What an idiot. From what Takao could gather by bribing Murasakibara with sweets, was that the first time he’d missed it had been when Aomine and Kuroko had broken up. Kise could’ve just swooped in. Well but it was unclear whether or not anyone had known when/how Kuroko and Aomine had ended it.

In fact Takao wasn’t sure that either of them actually broke up with the other, it just kind of died. Like a horrible death.

The second time Kise fucked up was when he let Aomine just go off and declare undying love for Kagami. Well or undying battling, whatever. Takao was pretty sure that it was the same thing. Aomine was so busy hating Kagami that he didn’t see anyone else. So basically Kise would die alone. Because Kise would only ever want to be with Aomine, and Aomine it seemed would always want to be with someone else.

Takao, out of the goodness of his heart, was going to make Midorima fix this.

 

Kise was lying in bed when his phone beeped.

 

From: Midorimacchi (◣_◢)

Kise-kun,

I would like to invite you out to dinner on Friday at 6:00.

Meet me at the basketball court.

 

Friday found Takao and Midorima hiding behind the bushes while they watched Kise and Aomine (whom Satsuki had dragged per request).

“You told him to meet you here for _dinner_? Shin-chan you’re lucky that you’re pretty,” Takao said as he peeked over the bushes. Midorima huffed indignantly.

Aomine appeared ten minutes later.

“Midorimacchi invited you too?”

“Hah? He said that you needed practice so here I am.”

“I don’t need practice! I’m really good, and beautiful come to think of it,” Kise said as he shook out his hair.

“Why’re you wearing a suit?”

“Because I thought I was having dinner.”

“Who has dinner at a basketball court?”

“Well luckily I always bring a change of clothes!” Kise yelled.

After their eighth one-on-one Takao was beginning to question his sanity. This was not working. They needed atmosphere. He dragged Midorima back to Midorima’s house to plot.

“What do we know?” he said as he pulled out a whiteboard.

“Don’t use my study board for this deviant behavior.”

Takao took a photo of the scribbled charts on the board, sent it to Midorima, and then wiped the board unceremoniously.

“Oh don’t do that,” Midorima huffed in annoyance.

“WHAT DO WE KNOW?”

“That Kise’s dumb.”

 _Kise is dumb_ Takao scrawled. “And?”

“And Aomine is even dumber. Also, unrefined.”

“Ok.” Takao erased the board.

_Dumb:_

_Aomine > Kise _

“Maybe we need to trick Kise into confessing. Oh or we could just write Aomine a love note from Kise.”

“That’s a terrible idea.”

 

The love note was delivered on Friday morning.

“Oi Kise what the hell is this!” Aomine yelled as he entered the gym for practice after school.”

Takao whipped around clutching onto Midorima’s arm in unabashed joy.

“What’s what Aominecchi?”

“Is this true?” Aomine said as he smacked the letter into Kise’s chest.

“This is it Shin-chan,” Takao said in whispered hysterics.

Kuroko looked at Takao in mild concern.

“What is that?” Kise said as he took the letter. His eyes flew over the paper.

Takao was now squeezing Midorima so hard that Midorima was worried that he would suffer permanent damage.

And then Kise was cackling.

“Aominecchi you’re so silly! Look at this handwriting.”

Aomine scowled as he stared down at where Kise was pointing something out.

“We didn’t analyze his handwriting,” Takao said his face falling. “Shin-chan that was our chance…”

“Really it was _his_ chance, he could’ve taken it,” Midorima said annoyed.

“How would I know what your handwriting is like? Jesus Kise not my fault. It totally sounds like you ‘Aominecchi is number one in my heart.’ Sounds like the sort of bullshit that you’d spout.”

Kise was so beside himself with raucous laughter that Akashi started practice without him.

“Ok, we just didn’t prepare well enough,” Takao said that evening after he’d recovered from what he termed a ‘minor setback.’

“I’m going to get us dinner while you plot.”

“Good thinking Shin-chan.”

Midorima got up and went to the kitchen. He was so tired of this ridiculousness. Why did Takao need to yap incessantly about Kise and Aomine? Why couldn’t they just hang out like they used to?

He brought up a tray of food.

“I have it!”

“What?”

“The plan.”

Midorima was about to ask but then he looked up at the board. He felt a pit form in his stomach.

_Seduce Kise to encite jealousy._

“You spelled incite wrong,” Midorima said hollowly.

“Oh! With an ‘i?’ Got it. Thanks Shin-chan, you’re so helpful.”

“So you’re going to hit on Kise?” he said miserably.

“What? Of course not. That’s your job.”

Midorima choked on his water.

“Impossible,” he spluttered.

“What? Shin-chan you’re super sexy we can totally make this work.”

Midorima felt his cheeks heat up. Had he really just heard Takao call him sexy? That thought was cut short by Takao’s immediate insistence that they plan out the seduction.

So here Midorima was, saying that he wanted Kise on his team during their practice round.

“But you always partner with Takao-kun,” Kuroko said looking mildly surprised.

“Yes well I, I want to be with Kise,” Midorima said.

Akashi smirked. Midorima blushed knowing that Akashi understood the full scope of the situation, possibly even better than he did.

“Right well let’s switch things up for drills then,” Akashi said. “Murasakibara you can go with Kagami, Kuroko and I will partner, Aomine why don’t you go with Takao,” he said leering.

Midorima didn’t like this at all.

So he and Kise were stretching.

“Kise you have excellent muscle composition,” Midorima said as he rolled his eyes at his porno line. Fortunately he was behind Kise so Kise didn’t see the eye rolling.

“Thanks Midorimacchi! You too.”

This was not going to work. Or so he thought….

Takao pressed into Aomine’s back.

“Shin-chan and Kise seem to be getting along really well.”

Aomine grunted.

“They look good together.”

Another grunt.

“Don’t you think?”

“Damn do you always talk this much?”

“Well only when I see a couple being born,” Takao said.

“Hah?” Aomine said. “You pimping out your boyfriend now? Is that what gets you going?”

Takao blinked. “Who?”

“Your carrot head boyfriend.”

“Shin-chan?” he said in surprise.

Aomine gave him a weird look before looking over to where Kise was doubled over in giggles, Midorima blushing next to him.

“Man you must be a sadist.”

Takao felt his palms go sweaty. “What do you mean?”

“Making someone who likes you that much partner with someone else? He looks so uncomfortable,” Aomine said, his eyes glinting.

“But… but Shin-chan isn’t- we’re not….”

“Aren’t you though? We all know it’s fine,” Aomine said easily.

Takao watched as Kise flopped onto Midorima, who awkwardly patted his back.

“My boyfriend…” he said watching. Did he want Midorima to be his boyfriend? Did Midorima even like him?

“But he doesn’t like me,” Takao said, testing it out.

“Of course he does,” Aomine said as he continued to stretch.

“How can you tell?” Takao said suddenly as he felt his heart pick up pace.

“Well he follows whatever ludicrous plan you have. Like whatever hit-on-Kise thing you’re doing right now, or last month when you decided that Kagami would be better off facing his fear of dogs by locking him in a room full of them, all that shit. He’s smart right? So he probably knows that your ideas are crap.”

“But… Wait how do you know this?” Takao said angrily.

“Kise’s assessment.”

“Well then why aren’t you with Kise!” Takao said frantically, if he was going down he was taking Aomine with him.

Aomine gave him a weird look.

“Why aren’t I with Kise?”

“Yes!”

“Because he said no?”

“He what?”

“He said no when I asked him out.”

Takao couldn’t believe his ears. He stared at Kise open-mouthed. Kise couldn’t… he couldn’t like Shin-chan could he?!?!??!!?

“Get away from my Shin-chan!” he yelled as he ran over to separate the two.

Kise fell flat on his butt with the force of Takao pushing him away.

“Takao?” Midorima said as he looked down at where Takao was clinging onto him. “Don’t hit on Kise, you’re mine.”

Midorima went scarlet and Takao realized a second too late what he’d said. He leapt back looking around wildly at everyone.

The rest of the team had come over to watch.

“All right who had closest to August the 14th?” Akashi said.

“That’d be Kuroko,” Kagami answered. “Damn I was way off.”

Takao watched in complete horror as Akashi pulled out a wad of cash and handed it to Kuroko.

“What?” Takao said.

“My acting was really quite good,” Kise said happily.

“Your acting?” Takao asked blinking.

“Mine was better,” Aomine said as he wrapped an arm around Kise.

Takao stared. “You said that Kise said no!”

“Yeah well…” Aomine’s gaze cut to Midorima, who huffed in exasperation.

“Shin-chan what’s going on?”

Midorima, looking like he was walking to the gallows, finally let out a long breath.

“Takao there’s something I need to tell you.”

Takao felt queasy.

“It seems that our friends had a bet going as to…” he looked away uncomfortably.

“What Shin-chan?”

“As to how long it would take you to realize your feelings.”

Takao blinked.

“You bet?”

“Yep,” Kagami said.

“But what about Aomine and Kise?” Takao said.

“We’ve been dating for two months!” Kise said excitedly.

“Eh, but Shin-chan, and Aomine too, you lied?”

“Tell him Shintarou,” Akashi said in pure joy.

“I- well you were having so much fun trying to get them together that I didn’t want- well you were enjoying yourself so I just kind of let it… go on.”

Takao blinked. Everyone must have known that he was trying to do this.

“But why did Aomine lie?” Takao said blinking up at Midorima.

“I didn’t want you to be disappointed because you were too late to help them.”

Takao sat down on the court taking it all in. Kise and Aomine were dating. Midorima had lied about them not being together. AND all of their friends had made a bet guessing when Takao would tell Midorima that he like- WAIT hold the phone.

“How did you all know that I liked Shin-chan?” he wailed. “I didn’t even know!”

Akashi made an annoyed clicking noise. “You stick to him like glue, you always come up with stupid plans that you drag him into as an excuse to spend time together, you have a picture of him in your locker, you always talk about how amazing he is.”

“Yeah and he’s not even that smart,” Kagami added.

“Or hot,” Aomine said.

“And he can’t enter the zone,” Kise added.

“Would you SHUT UP!” Takao yelled. “Shin-chan is the best!”

Oh.

“Crap,” Takao said. He shakily turned to Midorima who was blinking at him. “Um, I- well… I think that I might like you Shin-chan. If- if that’s ok?”

Midorima was bright red and looking at Takao in amazement.

“Takao you should apologize to our friends. They were helping us out weren’t they?”

Takao felt teary. “I’m sorry,” he said to the floor.

“Now, if you’d stop teasing the guy I like,” Midorima said and Takao’s face shot up. “Let’s go Takao, I have words for you.”

Takao glanced back to where the others were smirking.

And then he tripped over his own feet as he followed Midorima out, his hand tightly held in Midorima’s hand.


End file.
